Fast Food Saves Lives In Fruitland
Who says junk food isn’t good for us? Set aside the sensational taste, an exemplary safety record and a virtually limitless shelf-life, you may be shocked to learn that potato chips and Twinkies can also save lives.
Six weeks ago, a legendary circus performer disappeared in the plush forests of Fruitland Park, Florida. Following a stellar performance in front of a lively crowd, Reggie retired backstage. Soon, however, staff discovered that Reggie was missing. And, despite a broad search, Reggie could not be found.
You see, Reggie is a Spider Monkey. Raised in captivity, his disappearance concerned the entire community. Tom Liebel, the circus owner, was devastated. “We loved him,” Liebel said. Even more worried, however, was Reggie’s long time girlfriend – Priscilla.
The news, of course, was hard for Reggie's colleagues to swallow. But, as emotions calmed, Liebel and Priscilla (yes, a monkey) began scouring the community looking for their long time companion. For weeks, their efforts were fruitless. Then, a small glimmer of hope -- Reggie was spotted. Before he could be recovered, however, a vicious dog (and unfortunate timing) scared Reggie back into the bush.
After several weeks, it seemed that Reggie might be gone forever. But, on Monday, he was spotted once again. This time, in a tree. According to witnesses, Reggie looked “lonely and scared.” Following a call to the Lake County Sheriff's Office, Liebel was contacted and told that his monkey had been found. "Me and Priscilla, we hopped in the wagon, and drove 65 mph to Fruitland Park," Liebel said.
While waiting for Liebel and Priscilla to arrive, residents devised a plan to bring Reggie home. Forget health foods like bananas, oranges or (god forbid) nuts, the neighbors coaxed Reggie from his perch with potato chips and Twinkies. They also handed him a can of Coke, which he poured on the ground and promptly sipped up.
Soon after, Liebel arrived. He stopped the wagon, and immediately cut Priscilla loose. According to witnesses, she ran straight to Reggie and smacked her lover a good one. Apparently, she wasn't happy that her boyfirend had left for six weeks. "Oh, she whooped him," resident Cynthia Moreland said. "She scolded him. It was like they had a fight."
Eventually, Priscilla and Reggie hugged, and made up. And, by the next day, all was forgotten. The two primates could be found resting outside Liebel's home in Davenport. "I think he had time to think," Liebel said. "He's now back with his wife."
In any event, despite all the dangers we hear about “junk food,” Reggie and I would disagree. In Fruitland Park (of all possible places), fast food saved the day.
